The spins continue for days.
I hold my head to keep them still.
I make the only phone call I’m allowed to make.
With the same response from the other line.
The tears flow effortlessly
Making me want to end it as quickly as it started.
I catch myself before I fall farther
Clicking the light back on.
I scream your name in my head feeling the weight
This time I let go; I let myself fall
I hear your voice with it’s soft tones, your meek smile
I slowly sink farther
The yelling gets louder
Someone scoops me up
Repeating my name
Sharp Pain left arm
Absolute control
Within it’s loss
And just like that your face is erased your meek smile your soft toned voice
Like it never existed.
As I lay down, the numbing takes hold and I remember the truth.
Once again, leaving you behind with my consciousness
People live in their dreams day by day it’s how they get by dream by dream
Flowers and lights
Flowing dresses
Smiling faces
Long pews
Crashing bottles
Lost causes
Dark rooms
Circular tete tetes
Loud songs
Breaking glass
spinning in short skirts
Embedded secrets
Kitchen tables
Dancing in the moments when needed
Thin layer of paste
Clapping
Fake smiles
Whispered Goodbyes
And once again the sun comes up.
I let her. We have an unspoken agreement. Every once a while I look up giving her a good view. We make eye contact in awkward approval. It is indeed crude; pen and notebook, no more is needed really for the dim light and garish 1970s colored seating. Making the conditions less then appealing, but long periods of sitting begins to do crazy things to a person.
One sees beauty in bundled shivered creatures with immutable faces. I smile at her devious attitude towards the act and move my face just enough to let her see.
Its quite beautiful the way the light hits her face
I’ll never escape it and it will follow me everywhere and so will you marry me
take me with you to whenever you go If i could combine all of you I would and the ceremony would be beautiful
tears would flow for joy and that alone
What’s his name she asks in a beautiful sing song voice not caring about anyone else’s feelings or worried what the response will be. The young girl reluctantly answers a name that might as well be in another language. no one is listening. no one even notices her open her mouth she puts her head back down and watches the woman walk away with her notable swing. The lady in the dark purple sweater bends over to make her repeat it, but this time, “louder honey.” The girl clearly does not want to repeat it.
It was quite an atmosphere almost unreal, the kind of thing that occurred in movies. The conversation varied: everyone on computers not a quiet soul at all, all hectic and all for different reasons. I pictured you here with me and how you would love it ,and then I looked down and realized I’d made a mess again.
She spoke as beautifully as she sang and everyone listened like no truer words were ever spoken. it almost broke their hearts. they wanted to touch her reality to escape to where she lived within her words.
Her skin was perfect.
she looked like a painting, almost.
she smoked cigarettes
outside her window watching the smoke trickle back in filling the room with its infamous odor that lingered for days.
she was not concerned this was not her home and it hadn’t been for sometime.
the days went by slow here it was quite remarkable, almost
She listened intently to the sounds on the street it was becoming hard to focus with her mind racing so
She had wanted it to be the best answer, but it wasn’t it didn’t even come close
and besides she wasn’t ready anyway.
Time, she proposed that will make it better
She has once loved the figure standing in the doorway making it somewhat difficult to make it sound like she truly cared
This was what she was afraid of, every second, every stare, every pause.
she had become unattractive somewhere in between the car ride and the doorway and not in the way that most would assume
It was in a quiet, demure way that you only noticed if you squinted and turned you head slightly
Truthfully, it had probably always been there it was just masked by the expensive perfume
She had wanted to tell her for days or maybe it was weeks, one can never really be sure of these things
The condensation dripped down her hand but she had to ignore it
the conversation was in full swing and leaving just for a second would not be plausible
If she left, the moment would be stuck
the words spoken just before the leaving of the room would stay stagnant in the air forever
she would come back, sit down and the mood would be different
angry, sadder, not at all the same
and therefore the resolution would be different and she couldn’t risk that option
She would just have to wait for a little bit longer.
She sits with her legs spread wide open, unladylike waiting for the next thing to happen.
talking held her momentarily, but only momentarily,” do something I can’t do,” he says.
she imagines his smile as he says it and his smell of expensive cologne which he pulls off so well.
She closes her eyes remembers everything like flood hitting her almost drowning her, but then she opens them and she’s still alone on the train.
She composes herself and quietly writes down her thoughts.
It’s quite unreal.
She closes her eyes again, but this time to make it all go away.
“Ur like my favorite scary movie. i know i am going to get freaked and scared and excited . but i still want to watch it over and over.”
